Saturday, 26 September 2015

Fading in...

Last month, I called the clinic when the two opk lines were nearly the same colour but not really the same colour, and I didn't get pregnant. You will remember that the nurse told me what I'm really looking for is a 'change' in colour.

So I was not so delighted this morning to pee on a (first response) stick and find that this time the lines were close, but definitely not the same colour. If last month the line was 90%, this morning it was 75-80%.

Does that qualify as a 'change'? It was certainly darker than yesterday. But what if I go in too early? What if the peak is actually 6 hours from now? 6 hours plus 12-36 to ovulation, then the egg lives for about 24 hours, and the frozen sperm doesn't last that long...but what if this is it, what if this is the darkest and I just simply don't get darker? Am I not listening to the nurse if I wait? What if...

I waited an hour and used a Wondfo test. Clear negative. This should be good news, a clear sign. But the Wondfo test expired in July, and it's September, and what if there is a real difference and the instant they expire they self-destruct and stop working? It's not like ovulation tests start to smell like milk that's gone bad, or something.

Imagine my relief to find this picture on the internet:

Thank you clear pictures!!

This morning looks kind of like the CD20 12:00pm picture. Which has been deemed by someone on the internet who I'm choosing to trust for no good reason as a 'negative'. And really that's what the damn box says, but I am apparently being way too high maintenance and obsessive about this whole thing.

So I am going to wait until tomorrow and assume that tomorrow will be the actual positive surge day. And if not...I am not sure what I'll do. It may involve crying.

Believe it or not, I had been doing quite well up until now...not obsessing, not worrying, not being impatient. Damnit.

Anyhow, turns out this 'fading in' thing is an actual thing. Some women get fading in, some don't. It may be a sign of a problem. This is explained nicely here. I don't think there's a problem in my case because I did a day 3 blood test before we started with the IUIs and nothing seemed to really worry my doctor.

Welcome to me overthinking things as usual.

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