Sunday, 15 February 2015

The missing element

I don't know where I had this idea that Sperm Banks were kind of like dating sites. I expected to be able to enter some criteria and the system woud spit out a bunch of photos of people meeting my criteria that we could sort through according to our physical preferences. NOPE. You have to make a profile and sign in and I'm not sure but it looks like the site will try to make me start PAYING to surf donors after 24 hours (irritating because this sperm is really expensive and can't I at least look at what I'm thinking of buying for free?). And then I put in my preferences and I get a spreadsheet list of characteristics, no photos. One must click and then click and then click to finally see the pictures. (One site wanted me to put the pictures in a shopping cart and 'order' them - for free - rather than just giving them to me. And once ordered I could download a PDF. Seriously? A pdf???) I swear looking to adopt a dog on petfinder is a WAY better experience.

Get with the modern internet, sperm banks?

So that's the mechanical difficulties. Then there is the general creepiness of trying to choose your donor.

1) I don't like dudes.
I'm a lesbian. I have friends who are guys. I don't look at them "in that way". I know that these are donors, I don't need to sleep with them. But it's ICKY. I'll get over it, I'm going to have to. But I was shocked to find that I felt this way. I feel dirty for looking at these pictures - I'm happily married tyvm and I don't need some dude.

2) The majority of the donors we viewed were born in 1992.
That is roughly 10 years after I was born. Those are BABIES THEMSELVES. One picture showed a guy who still had acne! This is practically statutory. Again, I know it's just sperm, I'm not sleeping with the guy. But this is making me feel like an old creepy cougar. Seriously a weird feeling.

3) Although it is nice to have so much information, it's a bit overwhelming.
These sites need to have a way to sort. Like if we could view a profile and do a quick yes or no, make a short list, then review more detail from the shortlist and keep narrowing that way.  Maybe this feature exists and I just need to look harder. But really, I don't want to be inundated with blood type and grandmother's health problems when I am trying to see if those ears + my ears = hideous.

After about an hour and a half we gave up. I need a serious adjustment to my expectations before I do that again.

(image - Human sperm: Credit Joyce Harper, UCL, Wellcome Images. [Copyrighted work available under Creative Commons by-nc-nd 2.0])

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